I've done the unthinkable! I'm following through on a goal I was hesitant to pursue although several people had suggested I do it. You see, over 20 years ago I had amnesia. Since then, people have suggested I write a story about it. "Yeah, how can I report on something I don't remember?" I'd say and then roll my eyes when they mentioned movies like Memento. Unless you could remember where you wrote the hint, writing it would be worthless. That idea doesn't ring well for me, and 50 First Dates, with Adam Sandler? That was the first movie I detested him in because I took personal offense to it, as if I were Drew Barrymore. Before I Go To Sleep, with Nicole Kidman was the most truth-speaking movie I've personally seen. The part that sucks the most about experiencing amnesia is like a drunk or a high you never come down from or a sickness that messes you up mentally, and you're confused for a very long time, with no real way of predicting when it will be over. Oh yeah, and I had the mental maturation of about a 3-year-old.
Although this portion isn't an inclusion of 5th Time's the Charm, I will tell you this. I had my sister take me to a guy I'd been dating's house because I couldn't drive, to get my things. A girl answered the door wrapped in a sheet. He hollered from the bedroom for me to come on in and get my belongings, lying naked on his bed with a smile on his face. His name was Dave Phillips, and he was the guitarist for a rock group called Typhoid Mary at the time. I was devastated, but considering his band is named after a plague, what could I expect?
When I got back to my dad's, where I was staying, I was frustrated with my entire position. I had no job. I had no school. I had no boyfriend. I had no life. And what's worse, I had no idea how long this situation would last. My best friend, Russ, was the last one to call me, and I kept thinking his name was Axel for some reason. But soon he was tired of repeating everything, including his name every five minutes, and stopped calling me altogether.
I decided to kill myself. But I didn't want to see any blood or die an awful way with my tongue hanging out or my guts everywhere. I wanted to die pretty if you can believe that. I was going to OD. Like people who puke and bloat are attractive, right? I didn't have any drugs aside from the Prozac, that screwed me up to begin with, and birth control. So I took them all. I'm not sure what overdosing on birth control will do. However, I'm pretty sure it won't kill you, but I was at a younger age of comprehension.
I sat in my dad's living room, and his wife came in. "I took a bunch of pills," I said to her. When she asked me what I had said, I repeated it to her. She took me to the hospital and dropped me off. She told me she was leaving, and I could walk home, interestingly enough. But that wasn't the most devastating portion of the ordeal. The worst was the nurse who was pumping my stomach.
A fat nurse who looked recently retired from the military prepped me in the room, mumbling to me while she crammed a tube that resembled a vacuum hose, down my throat. I remember my nose was stuffy from crying and my eyes burned. I could barely breathe with the tube gagging me, and I couldn't tell her. I tried shaking my head to let her know. She grumbled about how unfair it was that I could come in there and demand help when there were so many others there who genuinely needed assistance, not selfish people who wanted to off themselves. I remember her gray eyes glinting down at me as if she hated me.
During my bout with amnesia, I'd say I didn't remember most of what happened during that period, and parts come drifting back given time. But then there are some instances I wish I could have forgotten forever. No one should ever tell someone who's attempted suicide, sane or not; they're selfish. Nobody knows what someone else has endured or what thoughts are plaguing their minds.
As I said, this excerpt is not in the book, and I may write other ones. I don't know. But for now, please stay aware of your friends and loved ones. A kind word or smile could save a life.